Monday, December 31, 2007

a short story about New Year’s Eve

Filed under: Writings at 13:14 (no comments)

Vicki was excited to show off her new place to all her friends, and a New Year’s Eve party was the perfect way to do it. As the guests began to trickle in, she took their coats and threw them on her bed, and her husband, Eddie, offered them drinks. It was all perfectly orchestrated — until Bob showed up.

Bob was the slacker of the group, and Vicki couldn’t stand him. She thought he was a good-for-nothing, obnoxious slob, but he was also Eddie’s friend since they were seven, so she did her best to keep those thoughts to herself.

“It’s okay, everybody!” Bob proclaimed as he crossed the threshold. “Bob’s here, so you can start the party now!” He jumped up on the nearest chair in his old flip-flops before Vicki could get to him.

“Bob, how nice to see you,” she said through her teeth. “Let me get your coat for you.” She grabbed his jacket sleeve, and tried to yank him off the chair before too many noticed. Fortunately for her, he hopped down on his own when he saw Eddie. They launched into their secret handshake that ends with Eddie pulling Bob’s finger.

Chris and Tiffany came through the door, and Vicki rushed to greet them. She and her husband had agreed that they would do their best to keep Bob away from those two. Tiffany still wasn’t over the way Bob lead her on that summer, even though she was much better off with Chris now. Of course, this meant Chris was no fan of Bob, either. Eddie was about to take Bob to the kitchen to get him a drink, when Chris got in the first dig.

“Hey, Bob,” he said. “How’s it going? Still working at WaWa?”

“Yeah,” Bob replied. “You still a douchebag?”

Before anyone could stop him, Chris landed a right hook squarely across Bob’s face. Bob responded with a jab to Chris’s gut.

“Hey, take it easy,” Eddie said, putting himself between the two. “Cool it. C’mon, let me get you a drink.”

Eddie led Bob to the kitchen, and Tiffany rubbed Chris’s back as he caught his breath. Vickie desperately tried to change the subject.

“Can I take your coats for you?” she said. “How’s your new job, Tiffany?”


“You’ve got to stop antagonizing him, man,” Eddie said to Bob when they got into the kitchen.

“Hey, he started it” Bob said, oblivious to how much he sounded like a five-year-old.

“Yeah, I know,” Eddie said. “Just try to keep away from him tonight, okay?”

“I’ll try, bro,” Bob said. “But if he starts shit again, I can’t be held accountable.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to him,” Eddie said. “Just try to leave him alone. Can you do that for me tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll try,” Bob muttered.

“Great,” Eddie said. “Now, let’s get you a drink. What’ll you have?”

“A shot of Jager,” Bob said.

“I don’t have any Jager, man,” Eddie said.

“Alright, I’ll have a beer,” Bob said.

“Actually, I don’t have any beer either,” Eddie said.

“Jesus, dude,” Bob said. “What the hell do you have to drink?”

“I have champagne and red wine,” Eddie said.

“This was Vicki’s idea, wasn’t it?” Bob asked.

“Champagne or red wine,” Eddie repeated.

“Fine, I’ll take some champagne,” Bob said, punctuating his request with his best imitation of a whip cracking. Eddie ignored him.

“We’re all out of champagne up here,” Eddie said. “Would you mind grabbing a bottle from the basement?”

“No,” Bob said. “Would you mind telling your wife that real men drink beer?”

“Thank you, Bob,” Eddie said. Bob made one last whip sound before he headed downstairs.


Eddie headed over to his wife trying to calm down Chris and Tiffany.

“He’s an asshole, and he has to go!” Chris demanded.

“Seriously,” Tiffany said. “Why does he have to be here? Why did you even invite him?”

“Look, I’m really sorry about what happened,” Vicki said. “And I’m sure it’s not going to happen again. Right, honey?”

“Right, hon,” Eddie said. “But you did goad him into that, Chris. You gotta cut that shit out.”

“What? It was an honest question,” Chris said. “We all know he can’t hold down a job.”

“Hey, just lay off him. Alright?” Eddie said. “Just keep some distance between the two of you tonight.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll stay away from the deadbeat,” Chris said. “Listen, I’m gonna go get some fresh air.”

“Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea,” Eddie said.

“I’m going to go freshen up,” Tiffany said. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“There’s one down the hall here, but I think it’s occupied,” Vicki said. “The downstairs one should be free.”

“Great, thanks,” Tiffany said.


Vicki waited until Tiffany walked out of earshot and then did her best to yell at Eddie in a whisper.

“What the hell were you thinking inviting Bob?” she said. “You knew he’d be like this.”

“Bob?” Eddie said incredulously. “It’s your friend who laid into him as soon as he walked in the door. What was Bob supposed to do?”

“Not deck him,” she said. “That’s what.”

“Hey, Chris threw the first punch,” he said.

“I do not care who threw the first punch,” she said. “And I am not having this conversation right now. I am going to pour myself a drink and mingle with our guests who are not getting into fistfights.”

“Fine,” he said. “I’m going to check on Bob.”

The couple parted ways in a huff.


“Lot of nerve she has,” Eddie mumbled to himself as he walked down the steps. “Blaming my friend ‘cause Chris is a dick.” He opened the door to the basement.

“Yo, Bob,” he cried out. “What’s taking you so long, man?”

When he turned, he saw Bob lying on the floor. He was bleeding from the head, and there was a shattered bottle of champagne next to him. Eddie rushed over to him.

“Bob, are you okay?” he asked while shaking him. “Bob, man, get up.”

But Bob didn’t get up. Eddie poked around his neck looking for a pulse but couldn’t find one. When the thought crossed his mind that his friend was dead, he jumped back in horror. Just then, Vicki walked in.

“Hey, we’re all out of champagne upstairs,” she said before stopping dead in her tracks. “What the hell happened to him?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just found him like this. I don’t think he’s breathing.”

“What are you saying?” she asked.

“I think somebody killed Bob,” he said. “Chris or maybe Tiffany. They were both pissed at him.”

“No, this is not happening,” she said. “Nobody killed anybody at my party.”

The two stared at Bob’s body in stunned silence.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Vicki said. “We’re going to march back upstairs and entertain our guests until the ball drops and they all go home. We can clean up this mess after we’re done with that.”

“You can’t be serious,” he said.

“I am very seriously, Eddie,” she said. “There’s nothing we can do for Bob right now, but we can do something about our friends upstairs. Now grab some champagne, and we’re going upstairs.”

Eddie was in shock. He took the bottles Vicki handed him, and the two returned upstairs.


After pouring a few drinks, Eddie had to get away, so he went to his bedroom. He was surprised to find Chris there.

“Oh hey,” Chris said. “Just dropping off my coat.”

“Right,” Eddie said. “Is that blood on your hand?”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “Your homeboy’s sucker punch made me cough up a little blood. Don’t worry, though. I didn’t get any on the carpet or anything. I should probably wash this off. Where’s the bathroom?”

Eddie blocked Chris from the door.

“You just couldn’t leave him alone, could you?” Eddie said.

“Hey, man,” Chris said. “I really ought to go wash my hands.”

“What’s the rush?” Eddie asked, his tone growing more accusatory. “Trying to destroy the evidence?”

“What are you talking about?” Chris said.

“I saw what you did to Bob,” Eddie said. “And you’re not going anywhere.”


Vicki was making her rounds to everybody, chatting and topping off glasses.

“Ah, there you are. Would you like some more champagne?” Vicki asked Tiffany.

“No, thanks,” Tiffany said. “I’m not feeling too well.”

“What’s wrong?” Vicki asked. “Are you sick?”

“Not exactly,” Tiffany replied. “I ran into Bob downstairs, and I tried to talk to him, but we had a little confrontation.”

“A confrontation?” Vicki asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, he just wouldn’t listen” Tiffany said. “It’s like, I just can’t beat it into his thick skull, you know?

After what she had seen downstairs, that bit of imagery convinced Vicki that Tiffany was the one responsible. But she had to think fast to avoid a scene in front of everyone.

“Here, let me take you on a tour of the place to take your mind off things,” Vicki said.

“That sounds good,” Tiffany said.

Vicki led her to the farthest room she could think of.

“And this is the master bathroom,” she said. “Check out the vanity lighting there.”

“Ooh, that is nice,” Tiffany said, stepping into the bathroom and turning on the lights. Vicki slammed the door and locked it.

“I’m sorry, Tiffany,” she said through the door. “But I saw what you did to Bob, and I just can’t leave you out right now. We’ll sort this out later tonight.”

She walked away calmly, confident that no one in the living room could hear Tiffany banging on the bathroom door. She ran into her husband in the hallway.

“Don’t worry, honey,” Eddie said. “I took care of Chris.”

“What do you mean you took care of Chris?” she asked.

“I tied him up and locked him in our bedroom,” he said.

“With the coats?!” she said.

“Listen, we gotta call the cops,” Eddie said. “Chris is a murderer.”

“What? No,” Vicki said. “Tiffany told me she did it, so I locked her in the bathroom.”

“What do you mean —” Eddie started to ask, but he was interrupted by the doorbell.

“We’re coming!” Vicki shouted. Eddie followed her to the door. There was a policeman there.

“Hello. What can I do for you officer?” Vicki asked.

“Thank god you’re here!” Eddie exclaimed. “I’ve got the killer tied up and locked in the bedroom.”

“Eddie, I told you that Tiffany confessed to killing Bob,” she said. “But don’t worry,” she told the cop, “I’ve got her locked in the master bathroom.”

Dumbfounded, the cop stammered out, “I was called out here about a noise disturbance. Your neighbors complained about the music.”

“Man, fuck the police!” Bob shouted. “Lousy pig ought to tell the neighbors to suck it.”

“Bob?!” Eddie cried out. “You’re alive?”

“Of course I’m alive,” Bob said. “That porker didn’t cap my ass yet.”

“But I saw you lying in the basement,” Eddie said. “There was blood coming out of your head.”

“Yeah, that cork got me pretty good, bro,” Bob said, laughing. “Probably shouldn’t have pointed it at my head while I tried to open it. Got a wicked headache now. What did you think happened?”

“I thought Chris killed you!” Eddie yelled.

“Pssh, like that prick could get the drop on me,” Bob said.

“Ma’am, about the noise,” the cop lamely interjected.

“In a minute,” Vicki said. “But Bob, Tiffany said you two had a confrontation downstairs.”

“Oh, that?” Bob said. “Yeah, she was blabbering on about how she wanted to get back together with me, but I told her Bob is not a one-woman kind of man.”

“Ma’am, I really must insist that you turn the music down,” the cop said.

“Of course, officer,” Vicki replied. “We’ll make sure that the neighbors aren’t bothered any more. Thank you. Good night.” She slammed the door in the cop’s face before he could get in another word.

The cop knew he had to go back in there to make two arrests for wrongful imprisonment, and somehow he’d have to explain all of this in his written report.

“I hate working New Year’s Eve,” he said.

Monday, October 1, 2007

fighting AIDS

Filed under: Personal and Charity at 22:12 (no comments)

I’m raising money for AIDS Walk Philly this year, and I need your help. Please consider donating to fund AIDS service organizations in the Philadelphia region. You can do so easily and securely online at http://www.aidsfundphilly.org/Donate.aspx?Key=000000138354 or you can just hand your donation to me. Either way you’ll be making a difference in Philadelphia in the fight against AIDS.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a charity walk, and I’m really looking forward to this. I just hope I’m up to the task. How much exactly is 12 km?

I’ll be walking with members of the Drexel student organization VIEW (Violence Information and Education for Women), so I should have a great time.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

looking forward

Filed under: Personal at 20:53 (no comments)

I am happy. I am growing closer to everything I want.

My 10th grade English teacher, Mr. Hibschman, said that you should always have something to look forward to, even if it’s something small. Today I am so fortunate as to have many great things to look forward to.

Tomorrow I’m going to Las Vegas for the weekend with everyone from work. Hotel and airfare is paid for by the company, along with dinners and private cabanas by the pool. I’ll meet coworkers I’ve only talked to through e-mail, and I’m psyched to play poker in Vegas.

Work is going great. I’ve got a new position, a new project and a raise. I’m doing interesting and challenging work in quantitative analysis, and that work will continue part-time in the fall.

I’ll also begin my senior year of college. (It is my fifth, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been slacking: Drexel’s co-op program is five years to fit in three six-month internships.) I have many choices of courses to take, since I’ve completed my computer science minor and have only one more math course to take for my major.

During my last year at Drexel, I’m excited to continue doing what I can to reduce violence against women on campus. This is going to be the coming-out year for our One in Four chapter, and VIEW (Violence, Information and Education for Women) will no doubt build on its successes of last year.

This summer I got out of a long relationship, and I finally feel that I’m the better for it. I’m dating again and reconnecting with old friends.

My close friend Justin recently began graduate psychology classes at nearby West Chester University. I’m stoked that we can hang out more often now. We’re going to see the Sum 41 concert at the Trocadero next week. He introduced me to the band back in high school. I can still remember listening to All Killer No Filler in his basement in high school.

All of my friends are doing great, and a surprising number of them are small business owners. So if you want good beef jerky, get some University Jerky from my friend Brandon. For photography, my friend Colin is available for assignment anywhere, as he likes to say.

Within the next year, I plan to graduate, get a good job in my field and move into a bigger place. I will start a beautiful new chapter. There will be new things to figure out, new ways to succeed. I’ll meet new people and do new things, and I’ll continue to be more of who I want to be.

It’s been a year without an upending catastrophe in my life — a year without being disowned by a parent or getting in a car accident or ending up in the hospital. I’m now in the best shape I’ve ever been personally, academically, professionally and financially.

It’s all happening. And there’s only more to look forward to.

-

What are you looking forward to?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

one-liners

Filed under: Personal at 21:33 (no comments)

The day after I get a haircut, I always use way too much shampoo.

Spending time with old friends really grounds me, reminding me who I am and providing a clearer picture of where I’m going.

Every time I go back to Lebanon, I see another building being razed and rebuilt.

For all the times I’ve been hurt, it’s a wonder I trust anyone.

I am Jack’s raging bile duct.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

i can put lyrics in my blog, too

Filed under: Personal at 13:24 (no comments)

And now a word from that great love poet-philosopher, Justin Timberlake:

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand

So why your love went away
I just can’t seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don’t want to think about it
Don’t want to talk about it
I’m just so sick about it
Can’t believe it’s ending this way

Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can’t do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it’s really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should’ve known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It’s breaking my heart to watch you run around
‘Cause I know that you’re living a lie
That’s okay baby ’cause in time you will find…

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it’s all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong

Don’t want to think about it
Don’t want to talk about it
I’m just so sick about it
Can’t believe it’s ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can’t do without ya
Can you tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should’ve known better when you came around (should’ve known better that you were gonna make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it’s breaking my heart to watch you run around
‘Cause I know that you’re living a lie
That’s okay baby ’cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that
What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that

Don’t want to think about it (no)
Don’t want to talk about it
I’m just so sick about it
Can’t believe it’s ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can’t do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should’ve known better when you came around (should’ve known better that you were gonna make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it’s breaking my heart to watch you run around
‘Cause I know that you’re living a lie
But that’s okay baby ’cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

— “What Goes Around … Comes Around” by Justin Timberlake.