a short story about New Year’s Eve
Vicki was excited to show off her new place to all her friends, and a New Year’s Eve party was the perfect way to do it. As the guests began to trickle in, she took their coats and threw them on her bed, and her husband, Eddie, offered them drinks. It was all perfectly orchestrated — until Bob showed up.
Bob was the slacker of the group, and Vicki couldn’t stand him. She thought he was a good-for-nothing, obnoxious slob, but he was also Eddie’s friend since they were seven, so she did her best to keep those thoughts to herself.
“It’s okay, everybody!” Bob proclaimed as he crossed the threshold. “Bob’s here, so you can start the party now!” He jumped up on the nearest chair in his old flip-flops before Vicki could get to him.
“Bob, how nice to see you,” she said through her teeth. “Let me get your coat for you.” She grabbed his jacket sleeve, and tried to yank him off the chair before too many noticed. Fortunately for her, he hopped down on his own when he saw Eddie. They launched into their secret handshake that ends with Eddie pulling Bob’s finger.
Chris and Tiffany came through the door, and Vicki rushed to greet them. She and her husband had agreed that they would do their best to keep Bob away from those two. Tiffany still wasn’t over the way Bob lead her on that summer, even though she was much better off with Chris now. Of course, this meant Chris was no fan of Bob, either. Eddie was about to take Bob to the kitchen to get him a drink, when Chris got in the first dig.
“Hey, Bob,” he said. “How’s it going? Still working at WaWa?”
“Yeah,” Bob replied. “You still a douchebag?”
Before anyone could stop him, Chris landed a right hook squarely across Bob’s face. Bob responded with a jab to Chris’s gut.
“Hey, take it easy,” Eddie said, putting himself between the two. “Cool it. C’mon, let me get you a drink.”
Eddie led Bob to the kitchen, and Tiffany rubbed Chris’s back as he caught his breath. Vickie desperately tried to change the subject.
“Can I take your coats for you?” she said. “How’s your new job, Tiffany?”
“You’ve got to stop antagonizing him, man,” Eddie said to Bob when they got into the kitchen.
“Hey, he started it” Bob said, oblivious to how much he sounded like a five-year-old.
“Yeah, I know,” Eddie said. “Just try to keep away from him tonight, okay?”
“I’ll try, bro,” Bob said. “But if he starts shit again, I can’t be held accountable.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to him,” Eddie said. “Just try to leave him alone. Can you do that for me tonight?”
“Yeah, I’ll try,” Bob muttered.
“Great,” Eddie said. “Now, let’s get you a drink. What’ll you have?”
“A shot of Jager,” Bob said.
“I don’t have any Jager, man,” Eddie said.
“Alright, I’ll have a beer,” Bob said.
“Actually, I don’t have any beer either,” Eddie said.
“Jesus, dude,” Bob said. “What the hell do you have to drink?”
“I have champagne and red wine,” Eddie said.
“This was Vicki’s idea, wasn’t it?” Bob asked.
“Champagne or red wine,” Eddie repeated.
“Fine, I’ll take some champagne,” Bob said, punctuating his request with his best imitation of a whip cracking. Eddie ignored him.
“We’re all out of champagne up here,” Eddie said. “Would you mind grabbing a bottle from the basement?”
“No,” Bob said. “Would you mind telling your wife that real men drink beer?”
“Thank you, Bob,” Eddie said. Bob made one last whip sound before he headed downstairs.
Eddie headed over to his wife trying to calm down Chris and Tiffany.
“He’s an asshole, and he has to go!” Chris demanded.
“Seriously,” Tiffany said. “Why does he have to be here? Why did you even invite him?”
“Look, I’m really sorry about what happened,” Vicki said. “And I’m sure it’s not going to happen again. Right, honey?”
“Right, hon,” Eddie said. “But you did goad him into that, Chris. You gotta cut that shit out.”
“What? It was an honest question,” Chris said. “We all know he can’t hold down a job.”
“Hey, just lay off him. Alright?” Eddie said. “Just keep some distance between the two of you tonight.”
“Yeah yeah, I’ll stay away from the deadbeat,” Chris said. “Listen, I’m gonna go get some fresh air.”
“Yeah, I think that’d be a good idea,” Eddie said.
“I’m going to go freshen up,” Tiffany said. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“There’s one down the hall here, but I think it’s occupied,” Vicki said. “The downstairs one should be free.”
“Great, thanks,” Tiffany said.
Vicki waited until Tiffany walked out of earshot and then did her best to yell at Eddie in a whisper.
“What the hell were you thinking inviting Bob?” she said. “You knew he’d be like this.”
“Bob?” Eddie said incredulously. “It’s your friend who laid into him as soon as he walked in the door. What was Bob supposed to do?”
“Not deck him,” she said. “That’s what.”
“Hey, Chris threw the first punch,” he said.
“I do not care who threw the first punch,” she said. “And I am not having this conversation right now. I am going to pour myself a drink and mingle with our guests who are not getting into fistfights.”
“Fine,” he said. “I’m going to check on Bob.”
The couple parted ways in a huff.
“Lot of nerve she has,” Eddie mumbled to himself as he walked down the steps. “Blaming my friend ‘cause Chris is a dick.” He opened the door to the basement.
“Yo, Bob,” he cried out. “What’s taking you so long, man?”
When he turned, he saw Bob lying on the floor. He was bleeding from the head, and there was a shattered bottle of champagne next to him. Eddie rushed over to him.
“Bob, are you okay?” he asked while shaking him. “Bob, man, get up.”
But Bob didn’t get up. Eddie poked around his neck looking for a pulse but couldn’t find one. When the thought crossed his mind that his friend was dead, he jumped back in horror. Just then, Vicki walked in.
“Hey, we’re all out of champagne upstairs,” she said before stopping dead in her tracks. “What the hell happened to him?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I just found him like this. I don’t think he’s breathing.”
“What are you saying?” she asked.
“I think somebody killed Bob,” he said. “Chris or maybe Tiffany. They were both pissed at him.”
“No, this is not happening,” she said. “Nobody killed anybody at my party.”
The two stared at Bob’s body in stunned silence.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Vicki said. “We’re going to march back upstairs and entertain our guests until the ball drops and they all go home. We can clean up this mess after we’re done with that.”
“You can’t be serious,” he said.
“I am very seriously, Eddie,” she said. “There’s nothing we can do for Bob right now, but we can do something about our friends upstairs. Now grab some champagne, and we’re going upstairs.”
Eddie was in shock. He took the bottles Vicki handed him, and the two returned upstairs.
After pouring a few drinks, Eddie had to get away, so he went to his bedroom. He was surprised to find Chris there.
“Oh hey,” Chris said. “Just dropping off my coat.”
“Right,” Eddie said. “Is that blood on your hand?”
“Yeah,” Chris said. “Your homeboy’s sucker punch made me cough up a little blood. Don’t worry, though. I didn’t get any on the carpet or anything. I should probably wash this off. Where’s the bathroom?”
Eddie blocked Chris from the door.
“You just couldn’t leave him alone, could you?” Eddie said.
“Hey, man,” Chris said. “I really ought to go wash my hands.”
“What’s the rush?” Eddie asked, his tone growing more accusatory. “Trying to destroy the evidence?”
“What are you talking about?” Chris said.
“I saw what you did to Bob,” Eddie said. “And you’re not going anywhere.”
Vicki was making her rounds to everybody, chatting and topping off glasses.
“Ah, there you are. Would you like some more champagne?” Vicki asked Tiffany.
“No, thanks,” Tiffany said. “I’m not feeling too well.”
“What’s wrong?” Vicki asked. “Are you sick?”
“Not exactly,” Tiffany replied. “I ran into Bob downstairs, and I tried to talk to him, but we had a little confrontation.”
“A confrontation?” Vicki asked suspiciously.
“Yeah, he just wouldn’t listen” Tiffany said. “It’s like, I just can’t beat it into his thick skull, you know?
After what she had seen downstairs, that bit of imagery convinced Vicki that Tiffany was the one responsible. But she had to think fast to avoid a scene in front of everyone.
“Here, let me take you on a tour of the place to take your mind off things,” Vicki said.
“That sounds good,” Tiffany said.
Vicki led her to the farthest room she could think of.
“And this is the master bathroom,” she said. “Check out the vanity lighting there.”
“Ooh, that is nice,” Tiffany said, stepping into the bathroom and turning on the lights. Vicki slammed the door and locked it.
“I’m sorry, Tiffany,” she said through the door. “But I saw what you did to Bob, and I just can’t leave you out right now. We’ll sort this out later tonight.”
She walked away calmly, confident that no one in the living room could hear Tiffany banging on the bathroom door. She ran into her husband in the hallway.
“Don’t worry, honey,” Eddie said. “I took care of Chris.”
“What do you mean you took care of Chris?” she asked.
“I tied him up and locked him in our bedroom,” he said.
“With the coats?!” she said.
“Listen, we gotta call the cops,” Eddie said. “Chris is a murderer.”
“What? No,” Vicki said. “Tiffany told me she did it, so I locked her in the bathroom.”
“What do you mean —” Eddie started to ask, but he was interrupted by the doorbell.
“We’re coming!” Vicki shouted. Eddie followed her to the door. There was a policeman there.
“Hello. What can I do for you officer?” Vicki asked.
“Thank god you’re here!” Eddie exclaimed. “I’ve got the killer tied up and locked in the bedroom.”
“Eddie, I told you that Tiffany confessed to killing Bob,” she said. “But don’t worry,” she told the cop, “I’ve got her locked in the master bathroom.”
Dumbfounded, the cop stammered out, “I was called out here about a noise disturbance. Your neighbors complained about the music.”
“Man, fuck the police!” Bob shouted. “Lousy pig ought to tell the neighbors to suck it.”
“Bob?!” Eddie cried out. “You’re alive?”
“Of course I’m alive,” Bob said. “That porker didn’t cap my ass yet.”
“But I saw you lying in the basement,” Eddie said. “There was blood coming out of your head.”
“Yeah, that cork got me pretty good, bro,” Bob said, laughing. “Probably shouldn’t have pointed it at my head while I tried to open it. Got a wicked headache now. What did you think happened?”
“I thought Chris killed you!” Eddie yelled.
“Pssh, like that prick could get the drop on me,” Bob said.
“Ma’am, about the noise,” the cop lamely interjected.
“In a minute,” Vicki said. “But Bob, Tiffany said you two had a confrontation downstairs.”
“Oh, that?” Bob said. “Yeah, she was blabbering on about how she wanted to get back together with me, but I told her Bob is not a one-woman kind of man.”
“Ma’am, I really must insist that you turn the music down,” the cop said.
“Of course, officer,” Vicki replied. “We’ll make sure that the neighbors aren’t bothered any more. Thank you. Good night.” She slammed the door in the cop’s face before he could get in another word.
The cop knew he had to go back in there to make two arrests for wrongful imprisonment, and somehow he’d have to explain all of this in his written report.
“I hate working New Year’s Eve,” he said.